It's All Stacking Up
About a month ago I was in this unique bathroom with mirrors at every angle and noticed my mind started to see the ways it could pick myself apart from a hundred angles and then I was like “HOLD UP, STOP” what if you LOVED yourself from a hundred angles instead?
If you’ve seen that video that trended a while back of the little girl in the bathroom mirror who is shouting about what she loves about herself… that’s pretty much what the next hour turned into. And after it was over I texted Alex and told him that I gave myself a bathroom mirror pep talk and it turns out that I’m really fun to hang out with and like myself a lot. And just like that… I was off to 2 expansive weeks in Austin.
I’ve been trying to put into words where I’m at, processing it in my head and with close friends but have noticed some resistance to putting it down on paper and sharing it with you all. If you’ve been hanging out with me for a while you know I don’t filter out the hard times, so why was I feeling resistant to sharing the good?
Well, I worried I’d be unlikeable or sound arrogant. But then I remembered, my people like it when I shine. And in my experience, when I see someone in my orbit shine, it gives me permission to do the same. But even if neither of these things are true, the truth is... I know I’m meant to share anyways. So here it goes…
I feel like I’m having a coming out party where I’m meeting a new totally up-levelled version of myself for the first time.
I feel like I was reborn during the pandemic and now I’m out as a totally new version of myself.
Where all the personal development work I’ve been doing is just stacking and stacking in so many areas of my life and I’m feeling the payout of having been pumped up by countless hours of growth work over the past 3 years.
I kind of don’t recognize my new self but she’s also kinda the person I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
I’m about to start the 4th year of the longest romantic relationship of my life which has been such a powerful initiation into intimacy and growth and expansion and in some ways feel like we’ve only just begun.
My bank accounts are starting to reflect the numbers I’ve been manifesting for years.
When I looked in that bathroom of mirrors, it hit me. All the work I’ve been doing on myself, it’s all stacking up.
Last weekend I had a bad day which turned into a bad PMS couple of days and an even worse period week. It challenged my mind for a couple of days as I felt just totally laid up. I felt the temptation to spiral downward to a depressed state that feels all too familiar. But then I remembered I can hold the duality of it all.
The current question I keep asking myself is what if I just lived my highest self-life at this moment? And then the next moment? And then the next? What if I just trust that there are really no mistakes in the grand scheme of things and I just go do what I’m here to do in this one precious life, and enjoy the process?
Xo,
Sara