When I walked into The School of Womanly Arts a year ago, I had zero room in my life for more friends. My schedule was packed. My corporate job was easily 60+ hours/week, my social calendar was overflowing. Between traveling, family time and self care, my days were booked. I walked into the first day of school, with a clear intent to interact with as few women as possible. To try not to exchange information, and certainly no connections that extended the bounds of the time block I had for this weekend long course. Be nice, but not too nice that people will want to get to know you better. I was literally dulling my shine to avoid a new connection. I knew I was an outlier, and that women signed up for the school for the potential connections that could come of it.
That didn’t last long.
Fast forward to our retreat in Mexico in October, on the very last night, a group of 9 women fell into each other's laps. It was the great collision we all needed. We’ve met on zoom every 2 weeks since October, with a tsunami of messages exchanged in between.
These women stand for my shine, they recognize my brilliance and reflect it back to me when I can't find it on my own. And when shit goes south and I’ve found myself in a stuck place, a shame soup, a victim hole when conditioning tells me that no one can handle my ugly shit, these women drop everything for emergency zoom sessions, for hours of phone calls to release the charge, standing vehemently until I return to a state of pleasure, until I get right with my desires again.
Jealousy is an inherent part of our group. One woman went from making $0 in her coaching business this time last year to over $200K in sales in April ALONE and is upleveling the lives of so many women while operating in pleasure based business. Another just invested in a $30K package with a world renown teacher. Another went from being a hot mess at dating to running workshops on intimacy. Another rose from the ashes of life’s obstacles to launch her business and demonstrates more tenacity, more boss ass bitch drive than anyone I know. And the list goes on. Jealousy is the quickest litmus test for what I want for myself.
We all trigger the heck out of each other. It goes something like this... one woman does something amazing that I’m like FUCK, I’m jealous. I didn't know I wanted that for myself and now that I know, I’m going to hate you for a minute (or 5) while I feel shitty about myself for not having had it first. Next emotion, PISSED. I realize that if she can do it, that means I can do it too. How dare you show me what’s possible for myself. This is SUPER inconvenient and disruptive to my protective bubble of comfortability and staying small. DAMNIT, I hate and love this bitch.
And THAT’S how we take each other higher and higher. We joke about it because it happens so frequently.
If the idea of this scares you, I get it, sisterhood can be one of the most confronting issues. To celebrate another woman’s triumphs has not been easy. We’ve been conditioned to jump into competition or to betray one another (The Bachelor, anyone?). Its a total flip flop that their wins are not my losses, but are my wins too. And we all go up UP UP in the upward spiral of slaying the game. I’ll have what she’s having please.
Every stroke of jealousy is an opportunity to add something to my list of desires. And to no surprise, my desire list has grown out of control this year.
Ironically, I’m still busy as fuck. But I’m busy with calls with women I didn't know a year ago, where they help me pursue the dreams I didn't know I had a year ago. My life has turned upside down and I’m so fucking grateful.